Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Battle L.A
Alien invasion? Someone get Jeff Goldblum to an Apple Mac!

On paper Battle L.A is sheer brilliance. The last 20 minutes of District 9 turned into a full film. No pointless tacked on romances or drama, just pure alien bashing. Problem is it just doesn't work. The action just isn't interesting enough and the attempts at making us connect with the characters are laughable to the point I cannot name a single person in the film.

"Whatshisface! NOOOOOOOOOOO! "

But lets not get ahead of ourselves. Battle L.A follows a platoon of US soldiers during an alien invasion. That's about it. No really. Now I'm all for simple entertainment. Not every film has to be Citizen Kane. But this is taking things a bit extreme. There is a quick 20 minutes at the start of the film to establish the characters then straight out run and gun from then on. For star power we have Arron Eckhart, of The Dark Knight fame, as Sergent Micheal Nantz, he is about to retire but is called in to help run the platoon. Michelle Rodriguez also features playing, as she always does, Michelle Rodriguez.
I'll give the good points before I tear into this film without mercy. It gives what you expect. Balls to the wall, ramped up to 11, high octane action, so on and what not. The special effects are brilliant and the CGI impressive. The Aliens are genuinely interesting and we are drip fed what they look like through some clever camera work and direction. The Aliens motives are hinted at from news broadcasts which left me wanting more which is always good. They also aren't an all powerful invincible force. They fight in a conventional manner and if you replaced them with humans there wouldn't be much of a change. Its a refreshing take on Aliens in films.
"Don't probe me! Take the girl instead!"
Now for the bad. As I mentioned the attempt at characterization is just pointlessly bad. You can't give two characters five minutes in a flower shop picking out wedding flowers then expect me to care when they are horribly mutilated to death by alien techno-sorcery. Any real further attempts are stopped when the shooting starts. Problem is it starts early and rarely stops. If everything is constantly shooting, screaming and "Die motherfucker die!" then its hard to stay interested. You need contrast to make the action something to look forward too. The scale is far to small too. Its all infantry fights which is alright until its happened for the nth time. With their budget the director could have thrown couple air battles and a tank that's on the screen for more than a minute to mix things up a bit. There is no plot. Its just marines trying to save civilians and an ending that comes out of nowhere and had nothing to do with the film up until that point. It was just something to give the film an ending and Michelle Rodriguez's character a point. I like the Aliens as I've pointed out but so little is revealed of their motives or even their technology (You never see a hover platform until the end of the film) its more frustrating than interesting at times.

I thought I'd seen everything. Then I saw a missile launcher on legs.
 So. Should you see this film? Honestly, if you haven't already then no. It barely held my interest most of the time despite being the sort of film that I would love. Yes it is a unique take on the Alien invasion genre but it doesn't really do much to justify its self as a film. Its more like a game without the control. So unless all you really, really want is to see is people shooting at aliens and vice versa then don't bother.




Sunday, 6 November 2011

Battlefield 3
All is fair in love and war, except camping.

Anyone who takes a passing interest in the gaming industry and plays on the PC hates EA. Fact. Be it as extreme as wishing them dead or just a mild discontent with their seemingly pointless evil, like me, we hate them. Battlefield 3 changes that. Even I want to club EA's CEO to death now. Why Origin? It is just so bad compared to Steam which at least is a good service and has good design. A website as a game menu? What the shitting dick nipples is this!?! No manual in the game's box? That's crossing the line. OK, maybe the last two are on DICE but that's not the point. The point is EA is a big poo face.
More like PeeA ammarite?

One the initial rage had subsided I had to admit, the website menu works. You can select a server then go back to browsing the net until it has loaded then you jump straight into the game. This is a blessing when your rig can barely load minesweeper and people in my area with connections over 300 kbs are burned for witchcraft.
"She watched a You Tube video without having to wait ten minutes for it load.
    So what of the game. Its beautiful for a start. Even on the lowest settings Frostbyte 2 brings home the bacon. Details are crisp and in high definition. The level of destruction impressive. Explosions kicking up loads of debris, fires turn the screen a bit red and animations are smooth and very believable. I could go on. The amount of lens flare is a piss take but. The sound is just as delightfully ass kicking.You can instinctively tell where gunfire is coming from by sound which without a surround sound system is very impressive. The small details like rocks landing, the distant cracking of gunfire and ringing when explosions happen nearby really bring it all too life. Top notch quality in the sights and sounds department. This means nothing if the gameplay is crap. Thankfully this is not the case.
  Lets start with the bad. The guns are a bit off. They sound the part for sure, its the recoil. They feel underpowered. But DICE have never done good guns. Getting suppressed is a bit too easy. Being suppressed is when bullets pass near you and the screen blurs up. It happens far to easy and takes too long to leave. The maps are big and firefights take place at long range meaning your never sure what your shooting at since you can only see muzzle flashes. This is very noob unfriendly. In my first game I didn't get a single kill since I had to clue what was going on. Jets constantly shake and don't seem to slow down when you brake. Since you have to unlock missiles and strafing runs are made dam near impossible due to the shake and speed your stuck chasing after other jets. I'll doubt they'll see much use outside the dedicated flyboys until a few changes are made.
An accurate representation of my flying but screaming, upside down and on fire.
Now the good. Its too much to list so I'll give an anecdote. Me and about 5 others had secured a flag on Caspian Border. Before Ole Starsn'stripes even reached the top of the flagpole a tank shell whizzed past and took out a nearby houese. my ears rang and debris flew everywhere. A T-80 rolled around the corner. "TAAAAAANK!" screamed Captain Obvious. We scattered. My vision blurred as machine gun fire tore chunks out of the wall I took cover behind. I heard something to my right, it was a FA-18 Super Hornet coming in for a strafing run. Part of the wall in front of me exploded into pieces as a shell struck it. The F-18 came in and peppered the tank with cannon fire before pulling up metres from hitting it. A pair of Russian jets flew by soon after in pursuit. Their engines blocked the sound of another tank shell taking out the wall of a house in front of me. An engineer ran by me and was gunned down. I took his kit and finished off the tank with the missile launcher.
USA! USA!...Is it safe to come out now?
An entirely unscripted moment in multiplayer and yet it sounds like a scene from a Call of Duty mission. So believable is the experience I found myself swearing very loudly and frequently during each game. Immersion is complete.
  Battlefield 3 is a corker of a game on its multiplayer alone. An Xp system keeps a nice trickle of new toys coming in and players are rewarded for non-combat roles like reviving, spotting and dishing out ammo. I've yet to try co-op but it offers more equipment for multiplayer and the singleplayer campaign is actually rather solid. The banter of squadmates is far between but enjoyable. It does have a few issues with the most annoying being you have to stand behind your squadmates to make them move forward. The immersion makes it far better than it is really.
  So the grand question is, is it better than Modern Warfare 3? Honestly that is a stupid question and you should feel bad for asking and not because it isn't even out yet. They are two completely different experiences. MW3 is fast paced gunplay on tight maps while BF3 slows things down a notch with bigger maps and adds vehicles and destructible terrain. Its like asking if you want toast or cereal for breakfast, it depends on your mood.
Battlefield 3 is unique. There is no other game like it on the market except DICE's last game Bad Company 2. I highly recommend it despite bloody Origin.

95% 
DICE is back and 
kicking all the asses.
  

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Mine is a review that will pierce the sky!

Now this is what I'm talking about. Mechs, manliness and enough explosions to keep the simple part of my brain happy. Cleavage too. That's always good. One thing that has always put me off animé and manga is that the characters spend all their time talking. Fights degenerate into finding out who has the most tragic back-story. I'm still trying to decide if Naruto is about ninjas or an elaborate role-playing support group. Its nice to see a series that knows when its time to talk and when its time to fight. But I digress.
How the hell did we get here?
  Gurren Lagann is the story of Simon, pronounced See-mon, and his “bro” Kamina. Humanity is forced to live in underground villages with anyone escaping to the surface killed by the Beastmen. Beastmen are Humanoids who pilot mechs called Ganmen. Ganmen are effectively faces with arms and legs. Its silly at first but you get used to it. One day Simon comes across a key shaped like a drill and a miniature Ganmen which Kamina names Lagann. Soon after a Ganman crashes through the underground village's ceiling followed by a young women named Yoko. Simon and Kamina help Yoko defeat the Ganman and escape to the surface. Joining forces with Yoko, and with Kamina hi-jacking a Ganman of his own, the trio set off to find a way to defeat the Beastmen.
  Kamina is easily the fan favourite of the series. Constantly giving passionate and often hard to understand speeches along with his self belief and assurances that he is the greatest since he is the epitome of manliness and fighting spirit. You can't help but smile when he shouts his battle cry of “Who the hell do you think I am?” I've only seen the subtitled Japanese version so can't say anything about the English dub but the Japanese voice actors are super
b in my opinion. Again, Kamina's actor is the best of the bunch and he wouldn't be half as appealing if it wasn't for Katsuyuki Konishi's performance.
  Gurren Lagann is silly yet manages to be serious and dramatic when it needs to be.  But most of the time its silly. The mechs are daft, poses are pulled for finishing moves, explosions are huge and when you have a mech sitting inside another mech sitting inside another mech, you've left sense at home.
Inmechtion?
 But like I said it can be serious. When someone dies or there is a dramatic event taking place you can somehow ignore the fact several people are somehow driving one Ganman.
  As I said at the start the action comes thick and fast in this series. No talking, no planning, no charging of super attacks and only a little bit of inaction due to fear. Simon and co take the fight to the enemy in visually impressive battles.
  Now the technical stuff. The soundtrack is great for a start and the sound effects are nice and loud. The animation is very kinetic in that something is always happening or at least the camera is moving. Its easily one of the best animated series I've seen. Except episode four but a quick Wikipedia search revealed that was an intentional parody of an ongoing series drop in animation quality.
  Is there anything bad I can say about Gurren Lagann? Well its a bit short. At  twentyseven episodes it ends just as I started really getting into it. Sometimes a few lines make no sense whatsoever. What does “A man betrayed by his destiny” mean?There was a lot of characters and I couldn't remember half their names or where they even came from. It also has the pet peeve of mine that I find in animes and manga. Everyone keeps saying each others name all the god dam time! Someone enters the room and they say their name and I'm like “Yes I can see that's them for gods sake!” Its not that bad but, I'm just griping. These are all minor things really.
Its hard to find a picture with Yoko with so much clothing on

  Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann is, despite the minor niggles I have with it, a very entertaining series. If your a fan of mechs or action put this at the top of your list. Otherwise this is a series that is good fun and well worth your time. At twentyseven episodes you can bash through it in a week and what a week that will be.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

The Infinite
Were heading back to the future!

Robert Kirkman is pretty much the comic industries Golden Boy right now. Everything he touches turns to goddam gold and for good reason.  He's a talented writer. But after reading the first issue of The Infinite my normally unshakeable faith in the almighty Kirkman was well and truly shaken. I sent this one down to the boys in the lab and after lots of testing and many, many deaths a conclusion was reached. It just wasn't that good. It wasn't bad. It just didn't stand up to the usual Kirkman standard. It was somewhat predictable and the characters just annoyed me. Saying a Kirkman character annoyed me is like saying you don't like chicken. It doesn't happen.
  Rob Liefeld's art style really didn't help fix anything. I read Arkham Asylum. I can handle bad writing (In Arkham's case I had no fucking clue what the hell was going on) if the art style is good or new. But this. Everything screams 80's. Look at that guys shoulder pads for christ sake! Its also hard to relate to characters that are all ripped like Azgardian gods and gritting their teeth like they are in the process of having a particularly tricky shit.
"Shouldn't have had that dam chipolte."
The Infinite starts at the end. Resistance fighters Bowen and Case are infiltrating the palace of Imperius. Imperius invented a time machine to save the world from the horrors of the future. Bowen and co have a problem with that. Needless to say the attempt to kill Imperius fails and Bowen steals Imperius's time belt to travel back in time to train a younger version of himself and Case. Sounds good but the first issue just did not impress. I grabbed issues 2 and 3 determined to give the series a proper go before I bin it. I'm glad I did. Issue 2 and 3 really pick up the slack of issue 1. Turns out I too can make wrong assumptions. Just like the Gary Glitter look a like, we also have George Michel and Brian May for your viewing pleasure, that frequents my work. Honestly that look was sex offendery long before Glitter did any sex offendering. 
I think I made a Grammar Nazi cry with that last sentence
I don't want to spoil any plot points but lets just say the next few issues really make use of the time travel aspect. Unlike a certain device from a certain series of books about a certain wizard....called Harry...Potter...he has an owl.....that is all. Argue all you want you don't add time travel unless you intend on using the balls out of it.
  In conclusion a disappointing first issue has turned into a series that shows promise. The Golden Boy triumphs again. Well played Kirkman, well played.
Its obvious that his powers come from being the son of Santa Claus


 

Monday, 17 October 2011

Holy Shit its picture book time!
Here at Hugs and Firearms tower, I like to take  a moment out of my busy day of making love to multiple women in my Vineyard to tell you about comics. I have 2 new books for you.  For now we enjoy some police brutality with Officer Downe and later on we have some time travel mind fuckery with The Infinite.


Officer Downe
Now that's a Dynamic Entry!

"Hello, badass. You ready to crush criminal cranium? Next stop----the armory. The skells and the shitheads...they're packing like a third world country. In their warped minds, they've convinced themselves they own the city. Makes me sick. But I'm here to take it all back. Fuck yeah."
Thats the narration Officer Terrance Downe says to himself as he prepares to go out and fight crime. Why? Because he is a psychopath. An immortal psychopath. Thanks to a handy combination of 100 of the worlds most powerful telekinetics and the Resurrection Equation.With it Downe can be healed of any wound, even death itself is a temporary hindrance. Which is good considering Downe's policing style is.....unconventional.

Leeroy would be proud
Downe clearly does not fuck about. LA is on its knees at the crime lords of the Fortune 500, who are animals for some strange reason, and Downe is the police's secret weapon against them. He never stops. He never compromises. He is an absolute and even death itself cannot stop him. The Fortune 500 are determined to find a way to change that.
Should be interesting
A simple yet really colorful art style rounds off this brutal tribute to every mans idea of what being a Policeman should be like. If you've every imagined punching holes in walls and gunning down criminals while screaming "I AM THE LAW!!!!" then this is for you. The plot is simple (So far) and the action is gloriously over the top, heads are punched off for god's sake. Officer Downe epitomises every man's (and perhaps women, I can't speak for them) wish to be a complete and utter badass. If this sounds like your sorta thing then I highly recommend this book.
 
 

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Space Marine
Handing out murder based justice for the Emperor!

Us Warhammer 40,000 have been waiting for this day since we got into the hobby. Maybe it was when we rolled our first D6 or more likely when we swore our allegiance to Khorne the Blood God.
Blood for the blood god! Milk for the Khorne flakes!
 The day we could see in action the universe we invest so much time, effort and a stupid amount of money (seriously it takes the biscuit) into. Then Fire Warrior came along and we all went "Oh. Thats.....nice. Non-refundable? Oh that's....that's fine."
But lets crack on. For thoose who are unfamiliar with the 40,000 universe here is the quick version. Imagine that Lord of the Rings had idea sex with every Sci-Fi trope of the last 60 years all as part of a satanic ritual. Afterwords they cover her in a load of GrimDark like the dirty slut she is. Then take the baby that results from that and pump it full of steroids. That super baby is Warhammer 40,000. Torture, indoctrinated super soldiers, xenophobia, religious fundamentalism, genocide, planetary destruction and that's just the good guys!(Relatively speaking)
The Imperium manages to out Nazi the Nazi's
In this universe there is no black and white. Not even black and grey. Its all varying shades of black. Except maybe the Tau who look like an ok bunch on the outside until you find out they have concentration camps and practice mind control. Mankind does what is has to for it to survive. Too my horrible surprise I found that this had all been taken out of Space Marine. All that's left is a decent hackn'slash/shooter hybrid.
You play Captain Titus, a space marine of the Ultramarines chapter. Space Marines are 8 foot tall super warriors that make Master Chief look laughable in comparison. The barbaric alien Orks have invaded forge world whats it called and your sent in to deny them the chance to loot a Titan. A Titan is a giant bi-pedal war machine that can level entire cities. Inquisitor emo fringe turns up, something about a power device, Chaos marines appear, lots of elevators. Frankly I lost interest in the story before it even properly began. The only interesting thing in the game is that Titus is seemingly immune to the corrupting power of the warp. If you know the universe you'll know that this is sorta against the rules. The ending leaves it open so it will likely be the focus of the next game.
This guy taunted me for 4 hours before I crushed his skull with my hands. I still have no idea who he is.
Lets get the good stuff out the way so I can get back to griping. Space Marine looks the part. Its big, loud and isn't afraid to throw waves and waves of troops at you until your fighting for your life. The voice acting is good with Orks sounding like Orks, cockney Imperial Guardsmen (regular human troops) and angelic voiced Space Marines. The Space Marines are fantastic. They dam well sound like Angels of Death.  They talk like proper gentlemen with voices of honey instead of taking lessons from Marcus Fenix's gravel eating class.
  The pacing is superb, Despite the complexity of the game never reaching beyond "go here, kill that" I never got bored. New foes, weapons or situations are drip feed to you so perfectly you never notice you are doing the same thing over and over again. The health system gets my praise too. You have one bar which regenerates and another which can only be refilled by preforming execution moves on stunned enemies. However preforming this move takes time and leaves you open to attacks so you have to plan it well. The multi-player is rather good. Classes and perks are well balanced and its good fun even if there is only control points and team deathmatch.
The weapons feel powerful. Titus feels heavy. The Jump Pack makes you feel like an Angel of Death. However, it just doesn't feel like Warhammer.

Everything looks the part but its just too clear cut. "You are the good guys, here are the bad guys. Go for it." That's not how it works Relic. If they added just one scene were a Commisar executes a Guardsman for cowerdice then I would be happy. Then it would feel like Warhammer 40,000. While I'm at it why make us go Ultramarines? Fans of the series would go literally any other Chapter that isn't the fucking Ultrasmurfs! Why Cadian Guardsmen? There are a million planets in the Imperium and you choose the bloody Cadians! Why a Forge World? Anything but more god dam brown battlefields and industrial buildings. 
  The melee fighting is as basic as you can get with only 4 different combos and 3 different weapons. Poor show Relic. I think a Batman: Arkham Asylum style combat system would have been far more effective than one were you wade in and spam the attack button.
I understand Relics choice to not include a cover system but when your under attack by 30 odd Orks with machine guns and rocket launchers you'll wish they had.
Taking it like a champ is your only option.
So to conclude. We have Relics first attempt at a third person action hackn'slash/shooter. Its pretty poor to be honest and I can't even remember the story. However I played it to the end. Its not very long and the pacing makes you ignore the piss poor melee system. It doesn't even provide decent fan service by showing the grim darkness that appeals to us. The multi-player is good but it won't keep me playing for very long. Co-Op is coming as a DLC so I'll give that a look at least. One to buy if your a big fan and have spare cash.

72%
Shows promise but fails to live up to expectations.

Side Quest
Side Quest time! Haven't got anything for you today just some Warhammer funnies.










Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Romantically Apocalyptic
Cake = best weapon ever
Captain is pondering 
This comic is beautiful. What? I need more? Fine. The artist Vitaly.S.Alexius has used Photoshop, live actors, greenscreen, a camera, stock photos and a Wacom table to create a bleak and desolate world almost devoid of all life and hope. Never before have I seen an apocalypse so fully realized. It would almost be depressing if it wasn't hilarious. But we'll get to that.
Romantically Apocalyptic is a triumph on its art alone. It is technically brilliant, evocative and each location tells a story. The world feels empty and that's something most post-apocalypse fiction fails at doing.
Fuck you Bay! This is how you do action not that shit that Transformers 2 was!
Remember how I said it was hilarious? Well I was wrong. Its beyond that. It made me, and I use this term with great reluctance, laugh out loud. I don't mean a giggle or two I mean a proper belly laugh. Its a clever person making a character do stupid things but with just the right level of competence to not make him annoying. We have Captain as the star of the show. Unhinged and somehow in charge, he leads our motley band. Pilot, equally unhinged yet not nearly as capable of inducing pants stealing madness as Captain is. Rounding off our merry band is Sniper AKA Mr Snippy who is the only sane one of the lot and Captains long suffering companion.
I won't say anything else since I don't want to spoil anything. Do yourself a favor and have a look. You won't regret it I promise.

http://romanticallyapocalyptic.com/1

Side Quest
Keeping with the end of the world vibe I bring you such fantastic games such as

Project Zomboid
The story of how you died. Currently in Pre-Alpha stage but has a Minecraft style pay to play as its developed style.

http://projectzomboid.com/blog/

The Dead Linger
Minecraft + Zombies + Free Form barricading = a very exciting new indie game. Another one still not in the Alpha stage but it will likely be available near the end of the year. I'll be doing a preview when (and if) it reaches that stage.
http://www.thedeadlinger.com/

One Chance
The World will end in Six days. You have one chance (Truer than you think).
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/555181

Pandemic 2
Play the role of a virus and wipe out humanity as fast as you can.
http://www.crazymonkeygames.com/Pandemic-2.html

Innistrad
Whatever happened to my Translyvania Twist?

I've really been looking forward to this block. Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies and Mad Scientists. All the tropes of Gothic Horror are here with one card rather brilliantly named Bump in the Night. Lets get the unimportant stuff out the way first. Each booster now comes with a double sided Transformation card plus another card to represent it in your deck. If your like me and don't bother with sleeves that's handy indeed. The artwork is of the usual high quality with Endless Ranks of the Dead being a personal favorite. The mad scientist cards really stand out with their Frankenstein style technology.
"Anyone got a squeaky toy?"
Lets get into the fun part of the new cards. The mechanics. 
Flashback is back. (Ha!) Pay the cost and you can play the card from your graveyard then exile it. From what I've seen the card is usually powerful and cheap with a stupid big Flashback cost. For example: Bump in the Night, 1 Black Mana to play for 3 damage to target opponent with a flashback cost of 5 Colourless and 1 Red Mana.
We have the much touted Double Sided Transformation card. Meet the condition on the card and it transforms into something more powerful.
Morbid, when a creature dies (A new phrase introduced in M12 to mean going from the battlefield into the graveyard.) you activate its effect.
Curses, a new subtype of Enchantment that affects players.
The most interesting new mechanic is Fight. An ability for a creature that makes it enter combat with another creature outside the combat phase. For this I've taken straight from the website.
For a creature to fight another creature, each deals damage equal to its power to the other. A few finer points:
  • The damage is dealt simultaneously, and it is dealt by the creatures themselves, so abilities like deathtouch, lifelink, and infect will work as normal.
  • Damage dealt while fighting is not combat damage, so abilities like first strike won't have any effect.
  • Fighting doesn't cause the creatures to become tapped.
  • Only creatures can fight.
  • No more than two creatures can fight.
  • If a creature somehow fights itself, it will deal damage to itself equal to its power twice simultaneously. 
 An interesting new rule which I believe will open a whole bunch of new tactics up.
So far I'm rather impressed with Innistrad. Right now a lot of the cards (That I've got so far) are hard to fit into existing decks. The cards are made to be effective with other Innistrad cards. This isn't bad but until the next set comes out for this block I feel I won't find much use for them. However, those cards make starting an Innistrad deck very tempting. Especially when Endless Ranks of the Dead, (4 Mana Enchantment that gives each upkeep X 2/2 zombies  were is X is equal to half your current Zombies rounded down) makes a Zombie deck both hilarious and effective.


Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Terra Nova
Dinosaurs! YAY! Family drama. Fuuuuu-


What the hell is Steven Spielberg's obsession with family all about? Taken, A.I, Jurrasic Park, Falling Skies, War of the Worlds and now Terra Nova. All feature family themes in some form or other. I've got a family Steve! It ain't all what its cracked up to be! Let it go! Look..forget it, were here for the dinosaurs.
Pictured: Better than family bullshit...also why you don't mess with dinosaurs
We begin in 2149 were the Earth is, for lack of a better word, fucked. Luck would have it that a portal is found in Chicago that leads back to the late Cretaceous period. It is explained that paradoxes won't happen since it is a different time stream which is handy since I had another plot hole kicking me in the face the entire time screaming "What about this dumb ass!?!" What happens when the thing that killed the dinosaurs comes? OK yes it isn't for another 20 odd million years but it's still going to happen. What if the people around then have forget that little detail?
The Shannon family (father Jim, his wife Elisabeth, and their three children Josh, Maddy, and Zoe) join the tenth pilgrimige of settlers to Terra Nova, becoming part of the first human colony on the other side of the temporal doorway. (Thanks Wikipedia!)
As I said before Spielberg continues his family themes Jim having escaped from jail which he was in for having a 3rd child, and his son hates him for it blah blah blah. I didn't sign up for this! I wanted to see how humanity struggles against nature at its most savage and large! I want to see how people cope with their new surroundings. Not how a teenager left his girlfriend behind and has daddy issues. Mercifully this is mixed with excitement when the Sixers turn up. Sixers are members of the 6th pilgrimige that for reasons currently unknown are trying to sabotage Terra Nova.
If dinosaurs fucking up your day wasn't bad enough
 We also get a look at some new dinosaurs created for the show when Josh and his new friends sneak out to go exploring outside the settlement. I'm sorry what? I can't believe I said that. I very much cannot believe that a bunch of teenagers, who are unarmed I will add and one who arrived THE FUCKING DAY BEFORE AND MISSED ORENTATION, would leave a protected settlement to explore when the place is filled with fucking dinosaurs! I don't care how long you've been there Skye that is a stupid idea and I was rooting for the dinosaurs to kill your stupid asses. Oh wait you did it so you could gather some of your moonshine? That makes it all better of course...
This picture cannot sum up my argument more!
I won't spoil anymore storyline. The special effects of the dinos are really impressive for a TV series but its the sets and the shots of the city that win the prize. A fantastic blend of future tech and pioneer style building. Although at some points you could see obvious use of green screen. Despite my many gripes at the characters I still watched the first two episodes and I was entertained. At least enough to put off watching Wilfred. It has action, drama and few laughs here and there. The mystery revolving around some strange carvings is what I'm coming back for. With enough plot lines started in the first two episodes to keep me interested this could become a decent series to watch and perhaps a replacement for Stargate that I've sorely been needing.
Give it a go. It might be good when it hits its stride.
 

Monday, 26 September 2011

DOOM
Battling my way through hell and for once I don't mean Glasgow.

Imagine this, one day I'm having a look on the Steam store until I notice something. Steam has DOOM for sale. For a fiver. It is Windows 7 compatible. Once I got back from the hospital from a nostalgia induced heart attack I promptly bought and downloaded it. I'll tell you this. It has aged very well. So for our German friends who have recently had DOOM un-banned from only being sold in adult only stores I bring you this review.
"This hand holds my gun. I need the other to carry all the fucks I don't give." - Doom guy
Back in the day DOOM was the big dog. Question is can it still go toe to toe with today's razzle dazzle, Russian shooting, Fing this, shitting that, recharging health, chainsaw bayoneting, sniper camping, l33tSparTanBlackOpsSniperDragonXtreme98, there must be an explosion every five minutes or I lose interest games of today? Oh yes, and then some. The graphics are still pleasing enough to the eye and the gibs? Oh how I missed you!
I'm I the only one getting an erection from this?
DOOM has always stood out in my mind for its Techno-Satanic style. A style that sorely needs to be used again in games (Even books or films. I'll take anything.) since there isn't nearly enough Sci-Fi Gothic horror in the world. It was also one the first games to use variable light settings which is still as effective at giving me the shits as it was back in the day.
The guns have a meaty feel to them to the point that firing the Rocket Launcher will send you back a few feet. It also features the best Shotgun in gaming history. Many a gamer's love affair with the Shotgun is because of this game. I can't remember being able to move this fast in a game. Doom guy sprints everywhere which becomes very useful when your dodging fire balls.
DOOM isn't the most complex of games so there isn't much else I can say about it. Things that where groundbreaking back in the day aren't worth mentioning now. Is DOOM a game you should try if you never have? But of course. Any self respecting gamer should at least once try out the grandaddy of shooters. You can get the first episode free as shareware about the internet. If you have played it, is it time to track it down and mow down the hordes of hell with a chaingun like days yonder? I'll let this picture sum up my argument.






 

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The Other Comic Book Quickies!
Welcome to the other comic book quickies! A name that may or may not have been stolen from the Mad Hat Pirates.....OK it was but their pirates! Stealing from them is like punching a ginger. Sure its wrong but no-one cares.
You know what screw it I don't want to get bogged in another bloody lawsuit.

Holy Shit its Picture Book Time!
We good now? Cool. Lets continue. This week Mark Grayson aka Invincible finds out that punching a problem repeatedly doesn't make it go away.

Invincible #82
Robert Kirkman
Ryan Ottley
You know Image. Out of context this is a bit weird...
Things have been pretty quiet, relatively speaking, in the Invinciverse ever since the end of the Viltrumite war what with there being no major story arc in play beyond the Super-Hero's of the Earth getting shell shocked from the destruction of Paris and Vegas and Villian's starting to get the upper hand. But in typical Kirkman fashion that doesn't mean its boring. Kirkman don't do no filler.
 Robot, or Rex as he now prefers, is back, rocking a bitchin beard I will add, along with Monster Girl and both have aged considerably with several years having passed in  the Flaxan dimension. He is offered a job by Cecil to co-ordinate the hero's of the world which he accepts. He makes a few comments about an incident that happened in the other dimension and is generally very unhappy looking but gives no specifics as to what it was. If I know Kirkman, its something bad. Dead Puppies bad.
Like this. But dead.

Dinosarus (Best. Name. Ever.) turns out to be alive and his human form turns himself in to Cecil. This leads to a rather funny conversation about what indifference is.
With Vegas turned to a giant mirror in the desert Mark is set on trying to solve problems in a way that doesn't involve punching.
Choking however....

He try's talking to Universa and it ends well. Apart from a semi-evil grin before she returns to her planet that is. On a side note where the hell is Alan the Alien? We haven't seen him for a while and that guy was all kinds of win.
We end with Cecil revealing the Re-Animen alternate dimension Invincble's (Not complicated at all.) to Mark. In the white room. This always ends well.


That's all for now from Holy Shit its Picture Book Time!
Next time we have a look at perhaps the most hardcore and violent series in the history of anything to date, The Boys.

Till next time.

Side Quest

Side Quest! Where I share stuff I've found, advertise things and tell you whats coming in the future of Hugs and Firearms.
Coming soon we have a review of Dead Island and Space Marine, a hands on with the new Magic Block Innistrad (Spelling is wrong but so what) and I present the 6 most baddass people of all time! (who are fictional)







Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Welcome to the first ever post on Hugs and Firearms! To celebrate this epoch shattering event I have given you lucky readers the chance to read a review of Mass Effect, available on the XBox 360 and PC. (Spoiler: Its pretty dam fine)

Mass Effect is the story of the player's, Commander Shepard, attempt to bring good old fashioned space justice to rouge Spectre Saren Arterius. The player does this by following leads on various planets, doing side missions, shooting bad men in the face and generally faffing about on uninhabited planets in a vehicle that out right refuses to follow the laws of physics.

Suck it Science!


Oooo shiney!
Mass Effects graphics are nothing worth phoning home about. Even at release it was nothing special with low res textures and a low variety of objects meaning you would storm the same bland identi-kit pirate base time and time again. It gets to the point after a few hours you begin avoiding missions just so you don't have to see the same crap over and over again.
Purple in a game? Oh my god its been so long!
The art style and design however is fantastic. Biowares artists have achieved a perfect blend of classic Space Operas, such as Star Wars and Star Trek, and modern styling's. It is also colourful which gets a massive "Thank fuck!" after the wave of Grey-Brown shooters that has attacked us in recent years like a swarm of shit locusts. That is until you land on an uncharted planet the majority of which are, you guessed it, Grey-Brown. Really Bioware? You couldn't do a few weird ass planets that looked like they were created during Gods Acid years?
Despite the lack of advance graphics the art style really makes up for it. Seeing Shepard's ship, the Normandy, flying towards the Citadel is a treat to the eyes and the final space battle really is a joy to watch.

A long long time ago....
The background to Mass Effect is told through small info snippets in the games codex and talking to various people. Investigating a computer or talking about a races culture unlock these snippets. These all meld together a large and well written history of the galaxy and its races which really helps capture the Space Opera vibe that Bioware was going for. In this universe most technology is based on that of the Mass Relays, ancient space stations that can fling spaceships across the galaxy in seconds built by the long dead Protheans (or so they think). There is also the Citadel. The Citadel is a massive space station that serves as the seat for the Council which is the governing body of several alien races, sort of like the UN (in space). The Council employ Spectres, agents selected from the various races, to enforce their will and maintain stability in Council space. Their top agent is our bad guy Saren Arterius, a Human hating Turian. He plans to use the synthetic Geth to find the beacon which will help him find the conduit which will allow him to bring back the Reapers, ancient machine gods that harvest the galaxy of advance life every ten thousand years.....yeah. He's also a bit of a dick. Here to put a stop to his dickishness is this guy(or gal)


I don't put out for less than a Big Mac sir! Good day!
Him and his team of hard ass girl, touchy feely man, angry dinosaur, blue alien nerd girl, gypsy alien nerd girl, crippled Seth Green and space kitty/lizard/chicken (Who is also Judge Dredd) are given the mission of stopping Saren, and stop him they shall! After mucking about in the Mako and doing lots of morally dubious side missions that is. Seriously you have to wonder what's going on in an RPG hero's head sometimes. "Yeah, evil machines hell bent on murder, whatever. I need to use my years of experience as a soldier to deliver this package!"
This being a Bioware game the characters are well fleshed out, space kitty..sorry.. Turian Garrus Vakerian being a personal favourite, voice acting is great and the story is engaging despite the plot being done to death many times before. You'll play to advance the story more than anything else. But what of the gameplay I hear you ask?

Fun times with weapons
Mass Effect's gameplay is split into three main ideas. Talking, combat and exploring.
Talking is the meat of the game here. Shepard interacts with many people on his journey to capture Saren and sadly shooting them isn't an option. Conversations are conducted using the conversation wheel. Generally the top option is nice and diplomatic, middle is neutral and the bottom one is "Get to the point or I will shoot you in the quads!". Being nice earns Paragon points while being a selfish git earns you Renegade. You also have the chance to make important choices gaining Paragon and Renegade points "Do I really want to release this alien queen of a race bent on genocide because she says she'll play nice?"
Paragon and Renegade isn't really Good and Evil, more by the book and loose cannon. Points are needed to unlock certain conversation options that allow non-violent ends to a stand off or more money as a reward for a quest and so on. It is best to stick to a certain play style to gain maximum points. Rather fantasticly Bioware has said that choices made in this game will have effects on the subsequent games! So maybe Queen genocide will repay your kindness, or kill you who knows? Shepard can also engage in a relationship with a few of his crew. Just like Captain Kirk before him/her not even the threat of extinction at the hands of a race of god like machines will stop Shepard boning their way around the galaxy.

"Soooooo....threesome?"
The gunplay is rather bland and unfair. Weapons have little impact, bullets are almost invisible and I've died more than a few times because I had no idea I was being shot! Biotic and Tech powers help mix it up but for me the combat was what I least looked forward too. Standard RPG kill and loot mechanics are in play here with a multitude of weapons and upgrades available for you stat whores. Sadly the guns only come in two different visual models. Leveling up is a standard affair with the majority of skills aimed at combat.
The exploration element of the game is at worst un-needed. It is either pop ups on the Galaxy map which basicly gives you free Xp or driving about on the bland uncharted worlds in the now infamous Mako. The Mako handles like a fridge floating on treacle. That is the only way to describe it.


Review score at the end of the universe
Mass Effect is a fantastic story with an ok game attached to it. More than once I found my self wishing the combat would end just so I could get to the next plot point. I'm critical of the combat but that's only because it doesn't live up to the standard set in the non-combat parts and feels like a drag at times. This is classic series in the making and to miss out on the first instalment would be a shame. Its only about £5 on various sites and still stocked in some stores so if you have yet to experience the Star Wars of this generation then get out there and buy it for gods sake! Clocking in at around 30-40 hours you really can't ask for more in terms of value for money. If your still unconvinced...there is side boob.

93%
A solid game with great story
but ropey gunplay.